Occasionally in the world of Facebook, you’ll come across these stories about despicable women. These are meant to be cautionary tales to as my friend Stephanie put so eloquently, “dictate what Black womanhood should or should not.” The only real allies Black women have are each other and sometimes not even. There some desperate broads who will throw you under a fleet of CTA buses to get in the good graces of men. That’s another tale for another day….

I’m pretty convinced these are figments of some butthurt dude’s imagination who just got rejected by a woman who had the nerve to not want to date him. Who knows? Here’s my list of women I don’t think really exist and if they do…they’re the minority. If you actually know this woman (not secondhand stories), do tell in the comments.

1. Groupon hater – When le bew gets a Groupon, date night is about to get kicked up a notch. I’ve heard stories of sisters who threw more shade than a parasol over their date using a Groupon. Umm…some of the nicest places offer Groupon and if you can get a nice dinner for the cheap, why not? It shows he’s smart with money, no? How shallow do you have to be to get offended by a discounted price? What part of the unreasonable petty game is that? You’re not paying but you’re pissed about how he paid. Doesn’t even make sense. Nice try, Butthurt McGurt.

2. Welfare Ballers- Last time I checked, Saks, Nordstrom, Gucci nor Louis Vuitton takes EBT, so miss me with these stories about people on welfare having designer bags when  you see them use food stamps. Knock off designer bags copped from the beauty supply but nothing that comes with a certificate and dust bag. I’m not anti-welfare because those who need it eclipse those who abuse it. The amount of money they are allotted each month is not enough for a luxury lifestyle. I’m sure they do the best with what they have but copping $700 handbags…I ain’t going. Yeah, getting those taxes snatched every check hurts but I don’t mind having street lights and fire fighters. The biggest welfare queens are corporations not a person who needs to feed their kids because they got laid off.

3. Education as a weapon – I get so tired of Black women being told such conflicting BS. One minute it’s stop dating thugs and rough necks who drag you down, the next it’s your standards are too high. Too many times, degreed sister are being told that they use their education as weapons against potential mates. The point of going to college is to learn more than you knew before and have a chance at a good job in your field of choice. It is not meant to be used as leverage against men. FOH! I know women who have more corporate jobs who are in loving relationships with blue collar men. Blue collar aka job having LOL. Of course a woman who has a rising career doesn’t want to give Jody her car to drive around while she works all day. C’mon now. Steve Harvey and his front lace mustache can keep telling you to lower your standards if he wants to but you have every right to want to date someone you’re compatible with.

4. Women HATE each other- Bull and shit. I see nothing but declarations of love and sisterhood all the time. From memes about good, clean fun together to booty tooting on club pictures, women love each other. Hell, on my birthday…my girls gave me the most loving and heartfelt messages. I’ve seen men shade and steal from each other. I have a circle of friends who encourage and empower each other and I think we’re the norm. The catty, hateful woman is a stereotype… Sapphire specifically.

So yeah. A lot of that shit is some bullshit. If you’re a Black woman and you share a note bashing note or meme, I’m going to assume you’re desperate and just trying to get chose. If you co-sign to sexism to get you a man, you’re good as a doormat.  If you’re a dude, well I kind of expect that but still think critically before you hit send.

If I’m wrong, I’m a fan of being right. So school me in the comments section…..